The author describes how she is raising young children while simultaneously helping care for her father, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. Her children are gaining independence, while her father is losing his cognitive abilities. This experience has reshaped her understanding of grief, memory, and family bonds.
The diagnosis came in stages. In December 2018, the author's mother revealed that her father's cognitive test scored 17 out of 30. A year later, in November 2019, while living in Brooklyn and eight months pregnant with her first child, the author received the official call: her father had Alzheimer's. He was just 66 years old at diagnosis.
The father had been a deeply humble man, a respected otolaryngologist who built a free clinic for uninsured patients, traveled to Guatemala to build an orphanage, and volunteered at a homeless shelter—all without fanfare. His lifelong habit of showing up for others made it impossible for him to personally share his diagnosis with his children.
The author now navigates what are often called the 'sandwich years'—caring for both her children and aging parents. The dual experience of watching her children grow independent while her father's memory fades has created a unique emotional landscape, blending joy with anticipatory loss.
This personal narrative highlights the challenges faced by millions of caregivers in similar situations. It underscores the emotional toll and the redefinition of family roles when a parent's cognitive decline coincides with the demands of raising the next generation.